


I'm Not A Soldier

by Nu_toamna



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Child Abuse, F/M, Sibling Incest, hnnng, please read the tags before you go off, runaways - Freeform, uhm warning, vanya centric, warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2019-11-14 02:23:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18043661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nu_toamna/pseuds/Nu_toamna
Summary: She was ordinary, she wasn't special, she wasn't wanted. So why the hell would she stay?





	1. Never a Child, Always a Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> HNNNNNG hey guys! Coming at ya with something new. Just as a forewarning I never read the comics and only know certain bits from conversation or mentions in fics. But i just finished S1 on Netflix and was desperate for a runaway fic.

Number Seven was one of 43 children born of extraordinary circumstances. She was bought by Reginald Hargreeves, examined by pogo, cared for by mother, and deemed unimportant by the world. Her siblings were superheroes, her mother was a robot, and her father was a child abusing uncaring bastard of a man.

When they were young, she and her siblings actually got along. They weren’t best friends but they weren’t strangers either. She wasn’t a ghost in her own home. She hung out with Six and Four, each talking about their fears and wants. She spoke with Three about her powers and her acting. Five was the one she spoke about the future with, about traveling and sightseeing. Five she spoke with about dreams. 

Two she talked about anything and everything with though. She talked about her dream of playing in a band, what she thought being a kid should be. Two she talked about wanting powers so that she could be with all of them, could help them. And with Two she didn’t have to hear the words “it’s okay that you’re ordinary”.  Two made her feel like she was actually part of the world, instead of a shadow behind it.

Then Five disappeared and Two said she could never be part of the world. 

“If that can happen to Five what do you think will happen to you Number Seven?”

With Five gone, father had them go on more and more missions, had them training more and more. Poor Little Seven wasn’t just a shadow of their world anymore, she wasn’t even an echo. 

So when she was 13 she looked at the name Mother gave Seven,  _ Vanya _ , and she looked at her empty little room. And she looked and looked and saw nothing. So Seven threw away her name, threw away late night violin playing, and then threw away the Academy. She packed her bag with water and food, she wore the training clothes she begged Pogo for, and then she ran away at night when even Number One was too tired to make rounds. 

They were numbers before they were people, they were soldiers before they were children, and she was nothing before she was ever loved. 

So Number Seven became sis, became Vanya, became no one, became nothing, became a ghost, became wanted. Number Seven became Erin a fast running teenager who hated pictures and the news didn’t like movies and avoided cops. Erin became a bookstore employee in a gritty little neighborhood who slept in the back room. 

And Number Seven was looked for, for the first time in her life. Her room was ransacked for clues, the cameras looked over again and again and again. Her portrait was put up once more. Right next to number Five. And Number Two,  _ Diego _ , barely spoke at all, even with tears running a race down his cheeks.

And all this before her brother came home with the Fucking Apocalypse on his heels.


	2. Where Are You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words hurt. Words made her leave. But he had to know. Where are you Vanya?

Diego hadn’t been sleeping all that well. He regretted what he said to Vanya but it needed to be said. He remembered how she said she wanted powers, to be able to go on missions with them. Then he remembered Five disappearing and how much worse everything got. Father was harder to please and it wasn’t easy before.  He looked at little Vanya, number seven, his Vanya that curled up on her side and ran her hand over his scars; and he snapped.

Diego hadn’t meant to say that she was ordinary. Hadn’t meant to say that she was better off at the house alone. Hadn’t meant to make her cry. But out of everyone, he couldn’t lose her. If Vanya was gone then he didn’t know how he’d get up in the morning. He trained to protect her because she couldn’t protect herself. The world was shit, but it was where Vanya was.

If only he knew that he’d wake up and wish he never said anything at all, maybe then he wouldn’t hate himself.

Waking up to the house alarm wasn’t new. It wasn’t too early, in fact, it was only a little before their usual wake up time. Running to get armed and ready wasn’t new. Running past a closed door 7 was, with no Vanya in sight but it was early enough that it wasn’t worrisome. He’ll give her til after the mission before he talked to her.

Not that he ever got the chance. Because she was the mission.

Father gathered them in the parlor.   

“Your mother has alerted me that Number 7 is not in her room,” What? “Several Bottles of water and rations are missing. As such we believe she has run away,” Stop. “Find her. Bring her back. She cannot be allowed to think such behavior is acceptable. Number One take this and alert me if the scan returns as anything besides a two.”

“Y-You’re l-ly-l-lying! She can’t b-b-be gone!” She can’t be gone. Vanya wouldn’t leave him!

“ _Be quiet Seven! You’re ordinary so you need to stop talking about missions! J-just. Stay here till I get back. If Five can disappear, you might just fade away in the middle of something. Get over it.”_

Not unless he left her first

"Enough theatrics Number Two! Find Number Seven and return her at once!"

 

They searched for days. Throughout the city, looking at CCTV. Allison rumored anyone she could find into talking. Their only lead was a homeless man who was half blind and passed out before he could see where she went. Turns out Vanya wasn’t so ordinary, she could slip away from superheroes and barely leave a trace.

He didn’t want to give up, neither did Klaus or Ben. Number One, Luther said that father ordered us to keep a lookout but there was more work to be done. More missions, more supervillains. So they gave up finding her as the main mission.  But he didn’t stop, he couldn’t. Every chance he got he broke in and examined every piece of footage he could. He interrogated anyone who might have even seen her.

But Seven didn’t have many pictures and Vanya had even less. Looks like not having her in the family portraits came back to bite them. Her not having the Umbrella tattoo made it even easier for her to slip by. A brown-haired teenage runaway with a backpack was a sight far too many people saw.

He looked for years, always asking for Vanya, even when everyone else gave up. Her portrait went up next to Five’s, her door was closed. As far as he could tell, he was the only one who went in there now. He stopped talking, now afraid that Allison's words weren't the only ones with powers.

He was disgusted with how quickly Father moved on, how quickly _Luthor_ and _Allison_ moved on. When he turned eighteen he packed a bag, grabbed her violin, and walked out the door.  

Being an officer gave him connections that Reginald couldn't buy, and he found evidence that Vanya had hopped on a greyhound about a week after she left. A cross country trip with too many stops, it was no surprise that no one matching her description got off the destination. 

He didn’t come back through till 10 years later when that old fuck finally died. And he only came back because maybe she would.  ~~And if she did maybe the could leave together this time.~~

He stayed because

“What year is it?”

Well, there’s one of the missing kids.


	3. Back Again with the Jumps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five wants to know where Seven is  
> Diego doesn't know how to break the news  
> and Erin is planning a B&E

#####  Finding out dear old dad finally kicked the bucket was a relief. Finding out that not even that would draw Vanya to them him was a kick to the teeth. Finding out that your brother, who you thought was dead, had actually gone to the future only to find the apocalypse and was back to try and stop it was fucking weird.

“Run that by me one more time.”  Allison. Always the first one to open her mouth. “You went where?”

“To the future! What is so hard to understand?” Good to know that Five was still a little shit no matter how long he had been gone. “God I can’t deal with you right now. I know Ben and Klaus are in Four’s room. But where’s Seven? She’d understand.”

Silence.

“What are you all standing around for? Get Seven, I don’t care if she’s helping mom, bring her here!” Five was standing on the counter now, glaring at all of us. 

Sighing, I signed for him to follow me. 

“Diego, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

‘ _ Good thing I don’t care about your fucking thoughts Luthor.’ _

I heard Five snort behind me; good. I won’t have to worry about him not understanding when I cuss them all out.

I lead us towards the parlor, where the wall was. Outside had turned to rain and wind. Perfect weather to break the news I guess. It fit the mood.

Once we reached the room I stepped aside. Let Five glance at his portrait, before I saw his eyes lock on Vanya.

“What the hell is this?” He whirled on us. Glaring at us as if we had to something to do with it  wedididid . 

“When you left-”

“No Allison! I don’t want to hear from you or that big lug. I want to hear it from him! You didn’t know her so stop!” Five was shaking in his rage. It would have been funny, seeing a thirteen-year-old glaring at me like he could do anything. I beat down muggers, home invaders, and kidnappers in my spare time. This shouldn’t be intimidating. But Five was always scarier than the rest of us. 

“ _ When you went missing things got worse. For everyone. But especially for Vanya.”  _ Vanya, so long since I spoke that name since I signed it.  _ “About a month or so after you were gone, she left. Middle of the night, no letter no sound. Just some missing food and water to let us know she was planning on staying gone.” _

Now he was extra pissed.

“You expect me to believe that?” I shrugged. “Out of the blue, she was gone? She might have missed me, but she wouldn’t just up and leave. Did you even look for her?”

That was a line I wasn’t about to let slide. I took a step towards the man who looked like my brother. 

Before I could knock some tack into the shorty, Allison stepped in. Like always. 

“Okay! Enough, I know we’re all high strung right now but that doesn’t mean we should be snapping like this.”

“Why not sis? This has been the most we’ve talked since 7 vanished.” Up from the staircase were Klaus and Ben. 

“And what the fuck is that about huh? You should know just like us that she wouldn’t just leave.” 

They both stopped halfway down the flight of stairs. “‘Just leave’? She didn’t just leave Five,” Ben spat, “She was shoved out. Maybe not out the door, but out of our lives? Yeah.”

Klaus hummed, “Why would she stay where she wasn’t wanted Five? After you were gone. Pops made it clear he thought of her as a burden. Frankly, I’m surprised it took her that long to go.”

“Nice dress Klaus, but Seven was stronger than that.”

From there it just went downhill. Five couldn’t believe that his sister Seven would ever leave. And we Couldn’t tell him that she wasn’t allowed to be our sister when he vanished.

About a block down the road sitting in her motel room, Erin couldn’t believe that she was thinking about breaking into the place she ran away from so long ago. 

 

She had to wait till nightfall  again , but by then maybe her siblings would still be asleep. She could slip in, pay her respects, and slip out. Reginald Hargreeves was a cold old bastard who gave her more nightmares than the streets did, but he still put a roof over her head till she left.  

When she got the news she wanted to laugh. The television in the bookstore was a helluva way to find out that he died. Seeing  Three Allison being bombarded with questions let her know that at least one sibling would be at the house. Your reputation would take a nosedive if you didn’t show after that. 

She went home, called in for the next week, packed up, and was in a motel before she could second guess herself. Now all she could do was wait. Wait until everyone was in their rooms asleep or out of the house altogether. Wait for Mom to be charging and Pogo to be asleep too. If she wasn’t so afraid of getting caught, she might ‘wake’ mom up, find out how everyone is doing. If there was one person in that house who never made her feel like nothing, it was mom. Yet she didn’t doubt for a second that Mom would alert everyone to her being back.  Hell, she didn’t doubt that the house would somehow go into lockdown.

So she'd sneak in after sundown. Through the balcony to the parlor, climb down the wall, and say goodbye to Five like she couldn't before. Then she'd go to Reginald's portrait and say "fucking finally" like she wants to and be gone before they know it. Out through the front door like she couldn't before.

That was the plan at least. Until her goodbye to Five was interrupted.

"Seven?"


	4. Home At Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caught in the Act of Goodbye  
> Hello Again

She didn’t turn around. Of course not. If she turned around she would be acknowledging that right behind her was the impossible.

“My brother left when we were thirteen.” Died when we were thirteen. “It’s been eleven years.” She spun to face whoever was behind her.

Five. Looking the same as when he left, if a little more shocked.

“I. I don’t know what that old snake was thinking when he b-built you but you can fuck right off! My brother is gone. He’s dead or gone, or just away from this hell hole but he’s not-!”

“Not what Seven? Not some forever baby teen?” Asshole sounds just like him. And through the tears looks just like him too.

“Seven,” his eyes softened as he walked towards her, hands by his sides, “ Seven it’s me. I promise.” 

It can’t be him. Can’t be him.  Ca-gon-not hi-

_ Who cares. _

Whimpering Erin through herself into his arms, making them both tumble to the floor. She sobbed into his hair as she clenched him as close to herself as possible. 

“I m-missed you so damn much! Where did you go you asshole?! Why did you- did you leave me?” She couldn't stop crying. Even when she knew it was a bad idea being so loud.

“The future. I went to the future. Didn’t mean to stay but I got stuck. Can you forgive me Seven? Or is it Vanya now?” He felt her shake in his arms and hated himself for it. If he had stayed maybe, maybe his sister wouldn’t be so damn broken.

She sniffed before she rose her head, “Not Seven. Not-not Vanya either. Couldn’t be once I left.” She lifted herself off him, “Was no one for a long time. Now I’m Erin.”

He sat up and looked at her. He couldn’t believe his eyes. Little Number Seven was now taller than him, wearing all black with eyeliner, and saying she wasn’t Seven anymore.

“Erin? Got it but why the change?” 

She laughed a little before explaining “Erin because when I was on the streets I was an Errand girl. Didn’t have the heart to sell anything so I sold my skills as a runner.” She smiled a little and he hated how different it looked. “Avoiding cops and cameras is a serviceable skill. So errand girl became Erin.”

 

They sat there, on the parlor floor. Talking about the future. About dreams and what came true. About nightmares that were all too real. They stayed there for far too long, with sunshine coming through before Erin really noticed. 

She hadn’t been this happy in a long time, talking to her brother like they used to before. Sitting around like they had all the time in the world. When she finally did notice how much brighter the room was she jumped up.

“I. Ermn, I’m sorry Five. I’ve-I’ve got to go. I’m sorry.” She had to go before the rest showed up. Old Reggie wouldn’t get his goodbye but she got her brother back, even if only for a little bit. 

He couldn’t let her go. Not before she met Dolores, not before they saved the world. 

She was speeding toward the door, and he couldn’t let her leave. He jumped to in front of her, arms out.

“Don’t go Se-Erin. Don’t leave. Please! We’re all adults, no can make you stay but please. I have so much to tell all of you.”

He could see her hesitate but he knew it wasn’t enough. Everyone would be getting up soon and if she didn’t leave now they would catch her. 

“Please, Erin. It’s important.” That broke her. She had never heard her brother sound this desperate before. 

Sighing, she knew she had to stay now. If only for a little bit. Five was right. They were all adults, no one could keep her locked up in this hell hole anymore.

“Okay, Five. Okay. I’ll stay. Come on. Let’s hear what you have to s-”

“Vanya.”

She knew that voice. Had sung her heart out with that voice. Had told her secrets to that voice.

“It’s Erin now Diego.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh holy shit? you guys actually like it? and wow 4 updates in 1 day. oof. next update is most likely gonna be next week just fyi


	5. There's Some Regrets You Wouldn't Give Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's home. She'sHomeShe'sHomeDon'tLeaveHImPleaseStayWithHimDon'tLEave  
> But will she stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like being able to switch back and forth between POV and plan on continuing to do so for Diego, Vanya, and Five as they are the main. But do you guys want to see the rest? 7 (or 9 if Mom and Pogo are in this) will be a challenge but let me know what you think.

She’s standing in front of him. She’s standing right in front him and he can’t believe what he’s seeing. Over a decade of searching, of praying, of doing everything he can and she’s standing right there. She’s standing there, having barely grown an inch. But she did grow into herself.  No more was she Little Powerless Seven, who blended in with the furniture. No more was she little Vanya, who they passed on the stairs.

Now she’s staring at him with kohl-rimmed eyes and bitten lips. Gone was prim and proper, with torn jeans and a heavy jacket. Gone was his little Vanya. Because she didn’t want to be anymore. 

He didn’t know what to do. Only calling out her name to make sure she wasn’t some hallucination, ‘cause there she was standing in front of Five. Five who had just come back himself. It looked like they were all back together.

And he couldn’t handle it anymore. The one who searched for day after day was standing in front of him and his knees couldn’t hold his weight. He went down like One did after sleeping gas, landing with a loud thump that most definitely woke the others. He’d regret his lack of grace but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Van- _ Erin _ was  **_here_ ** . 

“D-don’t l-l-leave me again. Pl-please.” He croaked, tears blurring his vision. He couldn’t even curse himself, too focused on the girl-no woman that was rushing toward him. “Please, pl-please don’t leave me again.” 

She landed on her knees beside him, hearing the rapid footsteps of everyone else coming their way.

“Diego I-,” Erin didn’t know what to say. Sorry? But she wasn’t sorry, not for leaving. She was happier on the streets than in this hell house. She  _ was _ sorry that they parted on such bad terms but she wasn’t sorry for leaving. If she had stayed she doubted anyone but Klaus would see her anymore.

“Holy shit. GUYS GUYS IT’S VANYA!!” Thank Klaus. Announce it to the world she guessed. It was only a matter of time. Of course, her brother would skip the stairs and just levitate his way down. 

She didn’t know if she was happy for the interruption or disappointed really. Diego was on her mind almost as much as Five. Too many ‘what if’s and regrets keeping her up at night. Too many feelings of ghostly hands holding her own, brushing back her hair. Too many nights she’d hear about a masked, knife-wielding vigilante breaking heads for her not to worry about him. 

Just- too many.

She’s reaching her limit when Five reaches her, murmurs for her and Deigo to stand up. No one wants to be that vulnerable when their more obviously powered siblings are on their way.

She’s close to protesting,  _ Diego doesn’t look like he can stand right then _ , but she still gets up. If she’s doing this she rather be able to run. If Luthor hasn’t changed too much she should be able to make out before he can do anything. All that bulk has to come at a price.

Diego stood as well, standing as close to Va-Erin as he could. He was damn near clinging to her but she wasn’t moving away so he took it as tolerance. Nothing matter except not losing her again.

Even if she didn’t want him anymore  ~~_ (not like he could blame her, not after what he said) _ ~~ he’d still feel better knowing where she was. Knowing she was alive, happy, safe. Even if it wasn’t beside him.

He was reaching toward her hand when-

“Seven-” Allison hurdled down the stairs, Luthor on her tail with Ben using his tentacles to lower himself down. She rushed to the bottom.

Before Erin could correct her, her sister did the one thing she was most afraid of.

“ **_I heard a rumor that you stayed-_ ** ”

She should’ve never come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SDJKALOPJA Holy SHIT guys! thank you so much for the Kudos and Comments! I haven't replied to everyone yet but I will! I meant to have this done and posted by Saturday, but tuesday is my midterm so I've been studying! Sorry guys!  
> But seriously I can't thank you all enough for such support!


	6. Betrayal and Desperation are what make Hargreeves, Hargreeves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desperation and betrayal were thick in their childhoods, it's no surprise that it just grew with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with a new chapter in less than a week! Who knew!  
> This chapter was edited on March 17, 2019

She remembered late nights inside her room. Remembered being so mad about being left out, that she forgot she always left them first. Remembered being jealous about the soft string music playing throughout the mansion, something she couldn’t do even when she rumored someone to teach her. Oh she could make them think she was good, easily. It just didn’t change the fact that she wasn’t.

She remembered sleepless nights, not knowing if she was the only living girl in the family. She could see broken little Number Two no longer saying a word, no matter how much father punished him, no matter how many meals he missed and no matter how he wasn’t allowed to be with Mother anymore.

Cold nights where every creek in the house was her little sister returning, coming to her senses about what she did. Staying up late to see if room 7 didn’t _just_ house a sobbing little boy but being unsurprised when it did.

She wished she could say that she was heartbroken when he finally left, but that was only when she noticed how he took the violin before she could. She took the sheet music though.

She missed the stutter, the soft music playing in the background, the brilliant blue of a jump. She had strong arms wrapped around her, but sometimes they felt like a cage. More so when they didn’t come with her when she finally left. No more shrieking from Klaus when she left out an ill-fitting skirt she “accidentally” bought, no more medical jargon from Ben, or hugs from Luthor. She had already lost the determined voice of Number Two, gone was the smirk from Number Five, and no more music played softly that rang in your heart.

They were all together now though. A miracle that she couldn’t believe. Even if the apocalypse was just a week away, she was happy. And she wasn’t about to let it go, even if they came to hate her. She couldn’t have more sleepless nights or stressed out days. No more heart skipping moments where every news report about a missing or dead homeless woman that made her die inside, no more lone wolf vigilante shit to give her a heart attack, no more time travel.

 **_“I heard a rumor that you stayed_** **over for today and tonight,”** even if this all she could do.

* * *

 

She should have never come back. Looking in angered horror at her sister, Erin felt Diego take her hand in his, pulling her against her chest. She saw more than she heard Ben start screaming at Allison, telling her she was horrible for using her powers like that. She saw Luthor pull Three behind as Ben got louder, felt Ben and Klaus come towards, hands reaching out. She felt sick, betrayed. It was only for today, but-

“Why the hell would you do that? HUh, Three?” Hissing at her sister, she felt the arms around her tighten in surprise, “How dare you! I was going to stay because Five asked me, now the first thing you do is steal that choice from me.” Scoffing, Erin felt even angrier at how One stepped up.

Five stepped in front of her, her protector to the end. Even after all this time. He glared up at One, daring him to step one more agressive foot closer.

“Stop it Vanya! You ran away once, you can’t blame her for-”

“I sure as _Fuck_ can blame her for TRAPPING me in this hell hole! Fuck you _One,_ just because your heart is soft and your dick is hard for her doesn’t mean I have to do anything.” Shaking her head she pushed deeper into Diego’s hold, tightening her hold on Ben and Klaus’s hands. “This is why I left in the first place. With Five gone, both of you felt like you could order the rest of us around, you and that asshole you call dad. You just, just do things without thinking about what the rest of us want, and then you always favored Three, never thinking of us. Fuck off One, you don’t get to talk anymore.”

Erin took a deep breath, “Now before I really rip into you, how about we take a break before Five can tell me about his ‘family meeting’ he wants?”

Silence met her question, she looked around and then up at Diego. They were staring at her like they had never saw her before  ~~theydidn'tneverbeforefirsttimeforeverything.~~

“I _like_ this new sister!” Klaus looked at her with shining eyes, “But I agree! It’s ass o’clock in the morning and we hadn’t really slept last night, so a nap does sound beautiful sister darling!” With that, he flounced up the stairs after a kiss to her cheek, Ben following behind him, giving her a quick squeeze.

“This isn’t over yet-”

“Oh shut up you lummox,” Five scoffed, “You’re not the leader anymore if you ever were. We’re taking a nap, go do whatever you want to do, get used to gravity again or something.”

She raised her eyebrow at that but ultimately shook her head. It wasn’t important for now, getting some fucking sleep was.  So she shimmied out of Diego’s grip, grabbed his hand before he could protest, and pulled him towards the stairs. She pushed past Three and One, hurrying as fast as she could towards her room.

Thankfully it wasn’t locked or boarded up or something, so she pushed right in and sat him on her bed. Closing the door, she took a moment to gather herself.

“Five will be here soon to sleepover with us like he used to. Before that though,” She next to him and looked into his eyes, “Tell me what’s wrong Diego. I know I didn’t say goodbye but I didn’t think you’d be this… affected.”

He couldn’t believe her. Affected? He was-

“Devastated,” he cleared his throat, voice rough after all these years. His hands signing as he spoke, “I wasn’t just affected V-Erin. I w-was devastated. I kept looking for you, day a-af-after day. I couldn’t find you.”

He was sobbing again and she didn’t know what to do. She went to him and he gathered her in his arms.

“I-I’m so s-s-sor-s- _fuck!_ Sorry! I’m sorry about what I said to you that day, I didn’t mean it! I just,” He tightened his hold, “I just couldn’t lose you too but I did. Please don’t leave me again, you don’t have to stay but please don’t leave me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like it! Let me know if you want more 'outside' POV (ie not Erin Five or Diego)  
>   
> I want to once again thank everyone for commenting, for the kudos, and for bookmarking! Seeing how much you guys enjoy this is what keeps me writing it! I can daydream all I want but i love sharing it with y'all.


	7. Won't you tell me why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cradled in longed for arms  
> Chills running down your spin  
> Eyes upon the shadows under the door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out I can write more than one page. Huh. Also change of plans. Fuck Pogo and his Master Reginald Bullshit. Imma kill his ass off. #letmombefree2019

Her heart was breaking. It was breaking into sharp, hard little pieces.  Maybe she should have gotten into contact with them earlier, maybe she should’ve left something for them. But she-it never felt safe. Like if she stepped back towards them, something would drag her back, kicking and screaming. With Reginald gone, it feels safer, but she still felt scared.

She’s not a coward anymore though, she won’t let her fear rule her anymore. She couldn’t afford it.

She saw the signature bright blue flash of Five jumping into the room. She felt more than saw his shuffling as he took in the situation. Sighing she pulled herself and Diego further back onto her bed or at least tried to. Diego caught on thankfully and scooted back with her. She signaled to Five to sit down which he did.

“I’m sorry Diego. I-I was hurting so much that I just- I wasn’t thinking that it would hurt any of you.” She spoke honestly, they deserved that much.

Five scoffed at his sister, his sister who was missing while he was gone, who had been hurting, who was back. 

“Erin. Out of everyone, you know I don’t mince words. We may not say it much, but we love you. Of course, you would be missed.”

Shrugging she said, “It’s still a little hard to believe. I didn’t think I would be able to fly under the radar as long as I did. With Reginald being so connected I thought for sure you guys were gonna catch me sooner than later.” She huffed and shook her head, feeling Diego tighten his hold on her. She pet his head before saying, “ And when I wasn’t when a whole year went by without a word. Well, to be honest, I thought you gave up on me.” 

“Never!,” Diego pulled back to look at her eyes. Still shaking he shook his head, “I n-never g-gav-! NNG Never stopped looking for you! Every day I looked!”

Tears fell from her eyes as she looked at him, “Thank you.”

She hugged him and he cradled her back. When she pulled back she looked at Five, signaling him to come closer.

Taking a deep breath she looked at the two of them, the two people who could have kept her from running. 

“I have something to tell you both.” They leaned forward, showing their attention. “After I ran away, I obviously didn’t have access to the pills that Reginald had me on. The ones for ‘anxiety’” here she made air quotes, “Turns out my mood wasn’t the only thing that the affected. About a week into my running I was camped out at one the more deserted lakesides up North-” Diego interrupted, an incredulous sound making its way out of his throat.

“You left in December and went up north?! You could have frozen to death!” He couldn’t believe it. They hadn’t searched up north at the time because so few people lived up there and even fewer ever visited. It was a frozen landscape a few degrees warmer than the artic in winter.

“I...I knew. I just didn’t care at the time.” She shook her head when he was about to continue, “This isn’t about that though.” By now Five was gripping her hand, realizing how close he was to only meeting 5 of his siblings instead of 6.

He could have lost her and never find out how. In the corner of his eye he saw the shadows under the door shift. Seeing as how Klause and Ben would have just come in, he guessed One and Three were trying to listen in. Though he wasn’t happy with them, he wouldn’t stop them from finding out what happened, not after the years they went without knowing. He knows how that haunts you.

“When I was out there, I only had a tent, survival book, and rations I had stolen from one of the Mom&Pop shops that was a pit stop for the bus. Looking back, that damn saved my life. Taught me how to make a fire and everything. Even if did use it as kindling,” She shook her body to clear it of the phantom chill in her bones, “Without the meds, everything was so loud it hurt. There were a few… unexplainable incidents. Glass shattering, rooms shaking. I put it off to someone else and quickly moved on for the most part. Until I was by myself in those woods. Then I couldn’t anymore. There was no one and nothing else around me. So how the hell were trees being thrown around as I cried? Why did the ice on the lake shatter when I screamed?”

Pausing she gazed at them, seeing their shock she could only smile. They were coming to the right conclusions but just a little more. She heard a gasp outside her door but ignored it. She couldn’t focus on them for now.

“I really couldn’t deny it anymore when I saw the the Northern Lights. Because when I woke up one night, I wasn’t just seeing the lights. I was in the sky with them.”

Klaus fell out of her closet with Ben revealed to be huddled down in a corner.

“YOU WERE WHAT? HOLY SHIT YOU HAVE POWERS!” Thanks again Klaus.


	8. Missing Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goddamnit Pogo you asshole, what are you up to.   
> Sibling bonding, telling Luthor where to shove his daddy worship, and of course a little anger fueled demo of power

She couldn’t help it. One of her favorite brothers just tumbled ass over ass from her closet. The  _ jokes _ . She laughed so hard she almost tumbled off the bed if it wasn’t for Diego keeping her close.

“Klaus you fuckin’ _ goof _ ! Yeah I got powers.” Erin couldn't help but look over at Ben, slowly climbing out of the closet and break down snorting her giggles again. “I stole a few of the pills that dad gave me for my anxiety and when they ran out weird shit started happening. I thought it was in my head for the most part but. That landing hurt like hell and wasn’t dream like at all.”

Five looked at her for a second, concerned, but then he looked furious. 

“Are you saying that those pills were suppressing your powers? That dad was- GODDAMNIT LUTHOR! If you’re going to grumble about out there you might as well come the fuck in.”

OH Hell. “I know I haven’t lived here for long but if anyone is inviting anyone into my room it’s me. ALLISON!” Awww she didn’t know that Allison could squeaked. “If you want to come in you can bring Luthor too.”

They shuffled in and ended up standing in the corner. Klaus and Ben took up the rest of the bed and she never had any chairs in my room. No one visited enough for them during the day and sleepovers used the floor or the bed.

Luthor opened his mouth to, she guessed, defend dad but she wasn’t having it. Luckily neither were Five, Klaus, or Ben.

“Now brother dearest, before you  _ try and defend that asshole _ , remember what happened to Ben and I,” Klaus was damn near purring. “You can’t say that he wouldn’t do that when he has before tried to manipulate our powers.”

Wait what.

“I’m just saying,” yay here we go, “That if what Sev-Van- _ Erin  _ says is true that he probably had a good reason for it.”

“Like what?” Luthor whipped his head to face her, “What could be a good enough reason to surpress my powers only to go on and repeatedly make me feel like shit? Like I was worthless?”

Everyone looked uncomfortable with what she said but she stayed with her eyes on One.

“That’s not what happ-” He tried.

“That’s exactly what happened. Do you not remember when he isolated me? He didn’t even let me speak to you guys before mother stepped in.” Her temper was rising and with it white was starting to seep out. Hazy white started to cloud her vision before she shook her head. She closed her eyes and counted to ten, concentrated on the feel of Diego’s arms around her and her favorite siblings on her bed. When she opened her eyes, she could tell. 

They saw it too.

“Well damn Erin.” Five looked her up and down with a grin, “You had a whole aura for a second. That was-”

“SO FUCKING COOL. YOU LOOKED AWESOME.” Klaus interrupted, “Guess you, me, and Ben are the only ones with physical manifestations. Your eyes were white too!”

She was about to start laughing when a knock came on her door. One and Allison had left it open, so it was easy to see that it was Mom.

“Hello dears. Hello, I know you are all getting caught up but Pogo wanted me to let you know that he has made some food for you all. A late dinner.”

She smiled at mom and saw the rest of her siblings do the same. It had been far too long since she ate with them.

“Guess it’s better than being woken up for a five a.m. breakfast.” Allison had a point. “Come on, we can eat, talk at the table, and then nap before we dive into what Five was saying about the damn Apocalypse.”

Oh yeah she almost forgot about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL THEN. I certainly didn't expect so many people to miss this. Sorry about how late this update is, but this is my last semester at UNI and things have gotten precarious with so many assignments. I'll try my best for more regular updates just be aware that they may be sporadic as time goes on.


End file.
